North Dakota state senator wants to save Fargo by setting massive fires


State senator Ashley Fairbanks of Bismarck, North Dakota has an unusual plan to curb the flooding in Fargo.  Fairbanks contends that she thought of the idea while boiling water in her kitchen.

Science at work.

Science at work.

“I put 3 quarts of water into a pot and starting boiling it,” Fairbanks said. “But by the time it was ready for the linguine noodles, there must have been only 2 and a half quarts left.”

Fairbanks said that she had noticed this phenomenon before, but had ignored it.  With flooding getting out of control on the eastern part of the state, Fairbanks was more aware of the dangers of water.

Fairbanks is a lifelong Democrat and believes that government should solve all of the state’s problems.  “I drafted a bill immediately that would help stop the flooding in Fargo.  No other state lawmaker even came close to my comprehensive approach.  I had to use my daughter’s science book for some of the technicalities, but I think I got it all right.”

The “Boil it Back” bill has received bipartisan support by the North Dakota state legislature.  Applewood Fields, a Republican senator from some bullshit town by the South Dakota border, says that he supports the bill.  Fields is the Chairperson of the North Dakota Environmental Committee.  “The Phoenix Forest is just outside the city,” Fields says.  “It’s just a whole lot of nothing.  Trees and small animals, but nothing anybody cares about.  If we start a fire there, we can really get rid of some of that damn water.”

The North Dakota legislature will have an emergency meeting on Thursday to vote on the bill.

RWP Rating: Crazy!

Full Story: The Bismarck Bus


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