Archive for the ‘Environment’ Category

Rapid City, South Dakota considers ban on feeding ducks

April 22, 2009

Rapid City is a fucking tourist trap.  There are no real jobs there.  If you want to work as a ticket-taker for the world’s largest Flintstones diorama, then I suggest you move to Rapid City.

The duck population is out of control.

The duck population is out of control.

And as a city of 70% sucker tourists, the City Council has found a way to shake even more money from the pockets of passers.  If the measure passes, feeding the city’s ducks will come at a heavy cost.  The fines are as follows:

A warning only for the remainder of 2009, a $25 fine plus court cost of about $50 in 2010 and a $50 fine and costs in 2011. In 2012, it would have a full-blown municipal fine schedule with a maximum of $500.

Five hundred fucking dollars for feeding a duck.  The sponsors of the bill say that it is the most humane way to reduce the growing flocks of birds.

Here is my idea:

  1. Feed them all you want.
  2. Shoot ducks in the face.
  3. Sell to nearest Chinese food restaurant.

Buy local, people.

RWP Rating: Strange

Full Story: Rapid City Journal

The Top 8 Dumbest Things about the Democratic Party

April 3, 2009

This feature is part one of a two-part series centered on the two major political parties in the United States.  The 8 Dumbest Things about the Republican Party is available here.

Without further ado, let’s whip this donkey into shape.

Me, checking on the health of the Democratic Party

Me, checking on the health of the Democratic Party

8.  Democrats feel guilty about everything.

To these Democrats, the tragedy of Darfur is the fault of the global imperialism of American companies, gang members just need a stern talking-to, and all military personell are brainwashed by the overlords of the Military Industrial Complex.  All cultural practices are permissible as long as they do not include hunting and fishing in the United States.  Female circumcision and honor killings are morally sound as long as no white people are doing it.

7.  Democrats believe we should save every endangered species on the planet.

Recently, Barack Obama became the fourth president that has committed to saving the Spotted Owl in Oregon.  And while many environmentalist organizations applaud his effort, we also need to realize that species go extinct all the time.  Not only that, but where are we going to put all the windmills that will be needed to secure our energy future?  If we can preserve parks, then that’s great.  But democrats seem to think we can save every species on Earth while still securing the energy needed to run their hybrid Prius.

Blue boobies

Blue boobies.

6.  Democrats believe that they have a monopoly on rational thought.

Rethuglicans.  You see it in the comment sections every single day on The Huffington Post.  Everything the Republicans suggest is immediately wrong and stupid.  These Democrats can’t actually explain the alternate Republican budget proposal, nor can they tell you why global warming is occurring, they just know that if you question any of it, then you’re an idiot.

I’m not questioning the science of global warming.  However, scientists still haven’t even fully grasped what gravity is, much less the intricacies of the warming planet.  Both sides need to question and both sides need to listen to one another.

5.  Democrats believe we can win the War on Drugs by educating the American public.

“Who wants to learn how to use recreational drugs?” Ms. Snodgrass asks her fourth grade class.  “Well, today we are going to learn that you can get high from inhaling the fumes from the rubber cement that I keep in my desk.  But that it’s very bad for you health and you should never, ever do it.”

You know what else parents tell kids?  That candy will rot their teeth and that television will turn their brains to mush.  Guess what?  It doesn’t work.  Kids love candy and TV and when they get older, they may develop a penchant for stogies and hash.  Some people, in life, will become drug abusers.  It’s time we let people have a little responsibility to do what they want with their life.

I D.A.R.E. you to do these drugs.

I D.A.R.E. you to do these drugs.

4.  Democrats exploit blue collar workers.

This is most aggravating during any kind of Democratic primary.  They would have you believe that all Democratic politicians came from nothing and then magically became successful politicians.  Let’s take John Edwards for example.  Edwards almost said the phrase “son of a mill worker” more than John Kerry mentioned his service in Vietnam during the 2004 elections.  Just because your dad was a blue collar worker, doesn’t mean you are “of the people.”  It just means that you had to sink to chasing ambulances in order to buy your first mansion.

Fast forward to 2009.  Democrats control the House, the Senate, and the Presidency.  They are losing the message war on the Employee Free Choice Act, and they are doing it by not strongly objecting to the lies that surround the bill.  Claire McCaskill said in early March that she does not believe that they have the 60 votes that they will need.  If they grew a pair and told everyone in the country that the EFCA does not get rid of secret elections, then I think we could actually get somewhere with it.  I just have a funny feeling that there are a few Democratic Senators that do not want the bill to pass because…

3.  Democrats pretend to avoid special interest groups in Washington.

Barack Obama made several early campaign promises of being free from the strings of lobbyists.  Within weeks he passed a law that made it illegal for lobbyists to receive starring roles in the Presidential Cabinet…and then he broke the law 48 hours later.

During the campaign, Obama claimed that he didn’t take any money from oil companies or from Washington lobbyists.  The first claim is misleading and the second is only half true.  It has been illegal for candidates to take any money directly from corporations since 1907, but Obama did take about $213,000 from oil company workers and their spouses.  It is true that Obama did not take any money from Federally Registered Lobbyists, but he did take money from people who work at lobbying firms, as well as their spouses.  (Source:

A group of Republicans or Democrats protests the other partys politician.

A group of Republicans or Democrats protests the other party's politicians.

2.  Democrats whine about everything and are afraid to do what they say.

When Democrats are out of power, they pound their chests for the rights of the little guy, for immediate withdrawal from Iraq, and against corporate cronyism in the Republican party.  But when they get into power, things change.  All of the sudden, several members of Congress are rethinking their position on the Employee Free Choice Act.  All of the sudden, we can’t leave Iraq until 2011.  All of the sudden, the CEOs have to stay because they are the only people on the planet that can save us from the economic clusterfuck.

1.  The people who vote for the Democrats.

This one hurts.  And I, just like you, have cringed when I walk into the voting booth.  But we’ve got to accept responsibility for the shitty politicians that we’ve given ourselves.

My main problem with the electorate at large is that they view politicians as blank canvases on which they can project their personal ideals.  A successful politician need only offend the least number of people in order to win an election.  When was the last time you vote For someone more than you voted Against the opposition?

Pundits in the media hurt the electorate more than we can bear.  By smearing 24-hour gossip-athons into our collective face, the media actually convinces us that we do care about the wolves in Alaska, or the pastors in Chicago, or the knocked up teenage daughter.  But if we lived next to the Palins/Obamas/McCains/Bidens it wouldn’t be an issue.  We’ve glorified our politicians right out of their basic humanity.

But I’d hate to leave you on a downer…

Let me tell you a story about a different kind of Democrat.  Harry Braun ran for President of the United States in 2004.  Braun had big ideas for America, which included building a fleet of 1 million windships.

Two windships

Two windships

This may sound like batshit loony tunes Daily-Show-ready material right now.  But let Braun explain his idea:

The Windship systems were developed by William Heronemus, an engineering professor at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst. Heronemus graduated from both the U.S. Naval Academy and MIT, and then served as a naval engineer and architect until his retirement in 1965. Note the tugboat at the base of the Windship that is delivering the crew that will live and work in the submerged spherical hulls. Given that each Windship will have a crew of approximately 10 people, the one million windships that will make the U.S. energy independent of all fossil and nuclear fuels will employ 10 million people in high-quality jobs. The hulls will also contain the electrolytic hydrogen production systems that will make hydrogen from the seawater with the electricity generated by the mast of wind turbines. (

I like it.  It’s radical and I actually believe him.  It may cost a couple trillion dollars to construct the windships, but at least he is facing the energy crisis head-on.  Imagine the freedom of not having to rely on the whim of the Saudis in order to heat your home and put gas in your car.  We wouldn’t have to ruin our mountain landscapes with mine waste and we sure as shit wouldn’t have to fight in a war for resources.  Our energy plan would be completely sustainable into the foreseeable future.

The media quickly dismissed Braun as a “fringe” candidate.  Maybe it’s just me, but he’s speaking more sanity than I’ve heard from a politician in a long time.


Seattle to vote on imposing bag fees on shoppers

April 2, 2009

Seattle voters will go to the polls in August and vote on a measure that will charge “bag fees” at all retail and grocery stores in order to encourage people to bring their own canvas bags.

American Chemistry Council filmaker believes plastic bags are the future.

American Chemistry Council filmmaker believes plastic bags are the future.

The bill would charge Seattleites $.20 for each plastic bag they take from a store.  Bag fees were actually supposed to be imposed earlier.  Last July, the City Council voted and approved an ordinance that would have gone into effect on January 1, 2009.  That’s when the evil plastic bag lobbyist increased pressure on the city.  The American Chemistry Council managed to convince the City Council to rethink the issue.  The city then decided that they would put pass the buck to the public.

These lobbying firms have the most hypocritical names.  On what planet do chemists encourage More plastic bag use?  It’d be like calling a Fast Food lobbying group “The Cardiology Council.”

RWP Rating: Unusual

Full Story: Seattle Post-Intelligencer

Quick Link: Obama tries to save the spotted owl in the Northwest

April 2, 2009

Obama is the fourth president to pledge support for creating a more livable forest for the spotted owl, even though it’s pretty obvious that god hates all endangered species.

RWP Rating: Normal

Full Story: Oregon Live

North Dakota state senator wants to save Fargo by setting massive fires

April 1, 2009

State senator Ashley Fairbanks of Bismarck, North Dakota has an unusual plan to curb the flooding in Fargo.  Fairbanks contends that she thought of the idea while boiling water in her kitchen.

Science at work.

Science at work.

“I put 3 quarts of water into a pot and starting boiling it,” Fairbanks said. “But by the time it was ready for the linguine noodles, there must have been only 2 and a half quarts left.”

Fairbanks said that she had noticed this phenomenon before, but had ignored it.  With flooding getting out of control on the eastern part of the state, Fairbanks was more aware of the dangers of water.

Fairbanks is a lifelong Democrat and believes that government should solve all of the state’s problems.  “I drafted a bill immediately that would help stop the flooding in Fargo.  No other state lawmaker even came close to my comprehensive approach.  I had to use my daughter’s science book for some of the technicalities, but I think I got it all right.”

The “Boil it Back” bill has received bipartisan support by the North Dakota state legislature.  Applewood Fields, a Republican senator from some bullshit town by the South Dakota border, says that he supports the bill.  Fields is the Chairperson of the North Dakota Environmental Committee.  “The Phoenix Forest is just outside the city,” Fields says.  “It’s just a whole lot of nothing.  Trees and small animals, but nothing anybody cares about.  If we start a fire there, we can really get rid of some of that damn water.”

The North Dakota legislature will have an emergency meeting on Thursday to vote on the bill.

RWP Rating: Crazy!

Full Story: The Bismarck Bus

Assorted assholes ruin hippies’ Earth Hour

March 30, 2009

Hippies in Australia attempted to raise awareness of global warming by guilt-tripping the civilized world into an “Earth Hour” on Sunday.  People were convinced to power down all non-essential electronics for a solid 60 minutes.  Proving their current status as the Party of No, Republicans on the weblog Red State decided to counter Earth Hour with “The Hour of Power.”



Republicans, who will later complain about the gigantic taxes on energy, decided to show those damn hippies by turning on every goddamn light in their house, doing their laundry, cleaning their oven, and creating a grid of Tesla coils that shocked an endangered Snowy Owl every six seconds.

Real testimonies can be found in the comments section of the blog.  I’m glad they have a viable alternative energy plan, otherwise this would come off as incredibly petty…

RWP Rating: Bizarre