Archive for the ‘Health Care’ Category

Texas Governor begs for federal money after threatening to secede

April 27, 2009

It only took Republican Governor of Texas Rick Perry 13 days to make himself look like a complete moron after threatening to secede from the United States.  Speculation of his idiocy occurred immediately after his statements, but we weren’t sure exactly which form the hypocrisy would embody until today.

Rick Perry will have to import all those hair metal CDs if Texas secedes.  There will also be tariffs levied on wheat, sugar, corn, apples, oranges, bananas, beer and wine.  Have fun with that.

Rick Perry will have to import all those hair metal CDs if Texas secedes. There will also be tariffs levied on wheat, sugar, corn, apples, oranges, bananas, carrots, lettuce, beer, wine, Tamiflu, and everything else that doesn't grow in the middle of a fucking desert. Have fun with that.

Today, Perry begged the federal government for funds to help with a potential outbreak of swine flu in Texas.  Three cases have been confirmed in the Lone Star state.

So Texas thinks that it can survive being its own country, but then freaks the fuck out when it gets three cases of an easily treated strain of the flu?  How the fuck are they going to deal with 100,000 drug-dealing soldiers that will converge on their “country” the second they secede?

Texans, for the love of all that is good in this world, vote your damn governor out and get over the secession business.

RWP Rating: Bizarre

Republican Senator stripped funding for flu pandemic from stimulus bill

April 27, 2009

Republican Senator from Maine Susan Collins stripped funding for a flu pandemic preparedness program from the economic stimulus bill before becoming one of only three GOP Senators to vote for the bill.  The funding would have cost $870 million.

Everyone in the United States and Mexico is pissing their pants about swine flu even though it’s only killed about 6% of infected people.  The problem, however, is that it is killed perfectly healthy young adults in Mexico, not the very young and very old.  During the Influenza Pandemic of the early 20th century, the same thing happened.  A healthy person’s immune system actually worked against them by over-responding to the germs, effectively drowning their lungs with fluid.

It’s important to note that two drugs have worked very well in combating swine flu.  Tamiflu and Relenza seem to work very well in cases seen in the United States.  So far, 28 students from a New York private school have been infected.  No one in the United States has died from swine flu.

God hates Republicans lately.  Just weeks after Bobby Jindal railed on superfluous spending on volcano monitoring, Mount Redoubt in Alaska blew up with little warning from the scientific community.  Now, a Republican Senator who used to brag about stripping the funding from preparedness for a flu pandemic, is going to have to justify it to a nation scared shitless by the 24-hour media networks.

Do not worry about swine flu.  Do not sit in front of the television all day waiting for the latest numbers from CNN.  Do not hit “Refresh, Refresh, Refresh” on the CDC website.  I assure you, more people will die in car accidents today than will die of swine flu.

RWP Rating: Strange

Texas bill could ban trans fats from restaurants

April 7, 2009

Home to some of America’s fattest cities, Texas needs to shape up, that is, if Democratic lawmakers have their way.  Senator Eliot Shapleigh and Representative Carol Alvarado are pushing for legislation in Texas that would ban trans fats from restaurants.

Is it wrong that I want to immediately cover these in ketchup?

Is it wrong that I want to immediately cover these in ketchup?

If passed, the law would gradually require restaurants to phase out foods that contained trans fats from their menu.  Often, this can just mean tinkering with the way it is prepared.   In order to push his bill, Shapleigh made fun of fat adolescents, saying “What it will do is cause restaurants and others to use healthier substances and cooking products to make healthier Texans.  You see 200-pound fifth-graders, you know we’ve got to do something about it.”

Responding to the Senator, fat kids from around the state could be heard yelling back “Shapleigh?  More like Shap-Gay!”

Put down the cheese fries and pick up the carrots, tubbies.  If your parents can’t prevent you from gorging, the state will have to try its damnedest.

RWP Rating: Normal

Full Story: Dallas News

Government launches mental health website to get you through Recession

March 31, 2009

The Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration launched a new website Monday aimed at helping people get through the current economic crisis without putting a bullet in their head.

Matthew Perry?

Matthew Perry?

The guide provides information about how to effectively manage stress as well as how to spot signs of alcoholism, drug addiction, and depression.   The site also contains links for troubled homeowners that may help to alleviate some of their stress.

It may not look pretty right now, but the United States will get through this recession.  Here is a tip: You can actually make money off of this recession if you do a little research.  If you are particularly stressed about finances, talk to some of your friends and try to get it on the toxic assets that the government will be selling.  They are going to be backed 97% by the FDIC.

RWP Rating: Normal

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Quick Link: Michelle Malkin writes a loathsome article about death of Natasha Richardson

March 31, 2009

“Well, hello Opportunity!”  thought Michelle Malkin as she leafed through the obituary section in the New York Post.

Apparently, “CanadaCare” is responsible for the death of Natasha Richardson.  Cunt is too kind a word for Malkin.

RWP Rating: Real Fucking Weird

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