Rapid City, South Dakota considers ban on feeding ducks

Rapid City is a fucking tourist trap.  There are no real jobs there.  If you want to work as a ticket-taker for the world’s largest Flintstones diorama, then I suggest you move to Rapid City.

The duck population is out of control.

And as a city of 70% sucker tourists, the City Council has found a way to shake even more money from the pockets of passers.  If the measure passes, feeding the city’s ducks will come at a heavy cost.  The fines are as follows:

A warning only for the remainder of 2009, a $25 fine plus court cost of about $50 in 2010 and a $50 fine and costs in 2011. In 2012, it would have a full-blown municipal fine schedule with a maximum of $500.

Five hundred fucking dollars for feeding a duck.  The sponsors of the bill say that it is the most humane way to reduce the growing flocks of birds.

Here is my idea:

1. Feed them all you want.
2. Shoot ducks in the face.
3. Sell to nearest Chinese food restaurant.

Buy local, people.

RWP Rating: Strange

Full Story: Rapid City Journal

Obama appears shirtless on magazine cover, has beginnings of manboobs

What appears to be a paparazzi photo of Barack Obama shirtless will appear on the cover of Washingtonian magazine this month. Obama, once thought to be one of our fittest presidents, may want to to work on that chest.

Obamama! Lend me your teet.

I’m sure everyone here has a better body than him as well.  Yep.

RWP Rating: Unusual

Lazy conservatives hold Tea Party on Second Life

These motherfuckers really aren’t used to protesting.  After 8 years of quietly attempting to defend their vote for the worst President in the modern era, conservatives are only slowly regaining their ability to defy authority.   In this spirit, hundreds of conservatives virtually gathered on Second Life and held their own Tax Day Tea Party.

Fraud Paine!

Baby steps?  More like fetus steps with this one.   Check out all the pictures on Wonkette.

RWP Rating: Strange

Full Story: Wonkette

Texas bill could ban trans fats from restaurants

Home to some of America’s fattest cities, Texas needs to shape up, that is, if Democratic lawmakers have their way.  Senator Eliot Shapleigh and Representative Carol Alvarado are pushing for legislation in Texas that would ban trans fats from restaurants.

Is it wrong that I want to immediately cover these in ketchup?

If passed, the law would gradually require restaurants to phase out foods that contained trans fats from their menu.  Often, this can just mean tinkering with the way it is prepared.   In order to push his bill, Shapleigh made fun of fat adolescents, saying “What it will do is cause restaurants and others to use healthier substances and cooking products to make healthier Texans.  You see 200-pound fifth-graders, you know we’ve got to do something about it.”

Responding to the Senator, fat kids from around the state could be heard yelling back “Shapleigh?  More like Shap-Gay!”

Put down the cheese fries and pick up the carrots, tubbies.  If your parents can’t prevent you from gorging, the state will have to try its damnedest.

RWP Rating: Normal

Full Story: Dallas News

Quick Link: Michael Moore moves to Cuba for cuisine

Oscar winning documentary writer and producer Michael Moore has decided to move to Cuba.  After tasting Cuban cuisine for the first time in a chic San Francisco cafe, Moore craves the meats, beans, and plantains on a more consistent basis.  When asked for comment, a spokesperson for the filmmaker said, “Michael will still visit the United States when he needs to exploit liberal guilt.  But he prefers a lethargic lifestyle on the beach.  Really, he’s a lot like Hemingway.”

RWP Rating: Crazy!

Full Story: The Dunge Retort