The Top 8 Dumbest Things about the Republican Party

This feature is part one of a two-part series centered on the two major political parties in the United States.  For The 8 Dumbest Things about the Democratic Party, click here.

Is the Republican party going to be ok?

8.  Republicans believe that The War on Drugs can be solved if we throw everyone into prison.

Republicans get to take credit for the first recorded usage of the term “War on Drugs.”  It was used by Richard Nixon in 1969 as a way to fire up the base of the party against the counter-culture hippies that despised the Vietnam War.

Thanks to the War on Drugs, our prisons are overfilled.  The cost is so high to run some of these prisons that they have to be sold to private companies.  The legislature of California actually considered selling San Quentin prison this year because of the terrible financial shape that the state is in.

And drug cartels love the illegality of drugs more than Republicans do.  Drug demand in the United States will continue and the cartels increasingly find clever ways of evading the DEA.  In fact, cartels are now building semi-submergable vessels that can avoid RADAR and infra-red in Costa Rica.  They pack these boats with up to seven tons of cocaine and park it on a deserted beach in the United States. If they can get seven tons of cocaine to the coast of the United States without being detected, they can get seven tons of anything into our country.

Legalize drugs.  Pull the rug out from under the black market.  Levy taxes on the drugs and use that money to educate kids and help addicts get help.  This is exactly what happened during prohibition.  Legalizing drugs will help to stop the violence and the kidnappings in Mexico and in the southwest.

7.  Republicans demonize higher education.

From discounting professors in their “ivory towers” to laughing in the face of modern economic theory, Republicans love to rally their base on the premise of their shared mediocrity.  Ann Coulter believes that American teachers are “inculcating students in the precepts of the Socialist Party of America—as understood by retarded people.” (link)

There are intellectuals in the party, but you’ll find few conservatives that know them by name.  For every David Brooks, there is a Carrie Prejean.  For every George Will, there is a Joe the Plumber.

This isn’t to say that there are plenty of idiots in the Democratic Party as well.  The difference is that Janeane Garafalo doesn’t get microphone time at the Democratic Convention, while Joe the Plumber, a moron, is viewed as some everyman harbinger of truth in the Republican Party.  The problem with this outlook is that it eventually permeates into the politicians themselves.  The Palin phenomenon.  A folksy former sportscaster that bounced around from college to college without any sense of history or moder political theory is voted into the governorship of Alaska.  Same thing happened with Michelle Bachmann.

The hard right tarnishes the image of the Republican Party just like the Taliban tarnishes the image of Islam.

6.  Republicans believe that corporations are more trustworthy than the government.

Let’s get this out of the way quickly.  The government has done some shitty things.  But they have also done plenty of good things.   Let’s look at the current financial crisis as a microcosm for the shittyness of government versus the shittyness of corporations.

The government allowed for corporations to create the derivatives market as well as offer subprime mortgages to people that couldn’t afford them.  That’s shitty.

The corporations took these allowances and had a field day.  Not only did they offer subprimes to the people that couldn’t pay them, but they bundled the mortgages into a security and bet on the outcome of the security.

Johnny thinks Group A of subprime mortgage holders will only pay back 40% of the loan while Philp believes that Group A will pay back 80%.  Johnny decides to bet $32,000 on the outcome even though he only has $1,000 in the bank.  Philip bets $28,000 even though he only has $900.  Group A only pays back 40%.  Johnny wins.  Now how the fuck is Philip supposed to pay him?

5.  Republicans believe that the government doesn’t belong in your pocketbook, but it does belong in your ovaries and in your bedroom.

It seems that every time the Republican party is asked about fiscal policy, the only two words on their lips are “tax cuts.”  We’re in a war?  We Need Tax Relief.  We’re in an economic booming period?  More tax cuts.  We’re in a recession?  Tax cuts, tax cuts, tax cuts.

People used to be offended if one was yellow and one was dark brown.

Republicans believe that the best judge for whether you should carry your child is the federal government.  In fact, they believe that your Church should have no say in the matter.  They believe that a marriage between gay people somehow infringe on their rights.  There are going to be gay people that your children are going to be exposed to whether they are allowed to marry or not.  What difference does a certificate matter to you?

4.  Republicans believe that the Second Amendment of the Constitution is the only important one.

Not a peep came from the Republican party when George W. Bush all but suspended the Fourth Amendment with the warrantless wiretapping program.  Hell, even after he left office and we discovered that John Yoo had readied an additional memo that would have limited the First Amendment, there was no significant backlash at the Drudge Report and Red State.

But when anyone says that you probably shouldn’t be able to carry an assault weapon capable of shooting 30 times in 10 seconds, Republicans go apeshit.

Here is my compromise.  You can buy any gun you want.  However, that gun is only allowed to fire three bullets before you reload.  Gun manufacturers must make it so that a reload takes more than thirty seconds.  Military and police guns do not have to follow these regulations.

Many Republicans will say that that inhibits their ability to protect their family in case the government comes to get them.  But that’s idiotic.  The government has nuclear weapons, genius.  If they want a police state, then they’re going to get one.  Until then, three shots is all you get.

3.  Republicans say they reject big government when they are out of power, but balloon government when they are in power.

I don’t know how much longer Republicans will fall for this nonsense.  During the reigns of Reagan, Bush, and W. Bush, government grew on a massive scale.  Hell, George W. Bush added the entire Department of Homeland Security.  Government spending went through the roof with all three GOP presidents.  None of them ever balanced a budget or saw a surplus.

It wasn’t until Bill Clinton balanced the budget late in his second term that many Americans finally realized that “fiscal responsiblity” did not belong on the Republican party platform.  Of course, the minute W took office, he squandared the surplus by adding significant tax cuts for the wealthy.  Most republicans don’t realize that the government has to PAY for tax cuts.  It is a signficant loss in revenue.  I’ll allow you to argue supply-side economic theory when a Republican balances the budget.  Until then, Bill Clinton’s “socialistic” 3% tax hike for wealthy people balanced it just fine.

2.  Republicans have shitty sources.

I don’t give a damn what some politician “believes” about global warming or Evolution.  If I want to hear about global warming, I’ll talk to chemists, geologists, and climatologists.  If I want to hear about Evolution, I’ll talk to a biological anthropologist or primatologist. There is no “big science” lobby.  These people do not get paid anywhere close to the bullshit experts from the oil lobbying firms.  They are scientists whose reputation is contingent upon their adherence to the scientific method.

Many, many scientists would like nothing more than to disprove global warming or Evolution.  They would be instant celebrities in the scientific world and they would be written about in textbooks for centuries.    But that doesn’t happen.

1. The people that vote for Republicans

On April 15, 2009 an estimated 189,000 people across the United States participated in Tax Day Tea Parties.  While simultaneously calling for an increase in defense spending, tea partiers were enraged at the 3% increase in taxes for people who make over a quarter of a million dollars a year.  Only 5% of working families in the United States will see a tax hike.

But don’t tell that to the teabaggers.

Sure, you get freedom of speech. You just don't get to dictate policy when your guys lost.

If you asked them, taxes were through the roof on everything.  Even though the protests were sponsored by Fox News as well as two of the biggest lobbying firms in Washington, the majority of tea-party goers swallowed the kool-aid that this was a grassroots movement.

To be fair, the most vocal people on Fox and CPAC do not represent Republican voters collectively.  After all, the most moderate candidate in the Republican primaries John McCain won the 2008 Presidential nomination.  I suppose the proof of where the party is headed won’t be known until 2012.  If a Jindal, Palin, Romney, or Gingrich is selected, then they’re going in the wrong direction.  But if Jon Huntsman Jr.  is able to secure the nod, we may see a more reasonable, more intelligent Republican party.

All that and I didn’t even mention getting us into crazy wars, justifying torture, and the annual gay sex scandals.

Justice David Souter to retire from Supreme Court

National Public Radio is reporting that Justice David Souter of the Supreme Court will retire after the current session.  Souter was appointed to the highest court in the land by George H.W. Bush.  He is 69 years old.

Not a cartoon in real life.

Souter was expected to be more conservative than he turned out.  He offered a dissenting opinion on the controversial Bush v. Gore case during the 2000 election and voted not to reverse Roe v. Wade.

Get ready for a Republican filibuster for Obama’s first judicial nominee because of a record of being pro-choice.  Being that Ginsburg may be leaving soon as well, progressives will be delighted that Obama, and not McCain, is in the White House.

Full Story: Huffington Post

Full impressions and tons of photos from Tea Party Protest in Eugene, Oregon

Digg It!

There wasn’t a Tea Party protest in the city of Eugene and I suppose that is appropriate.  Eugene, known for raucous WTO protests in the early 90s, violent members of the Environmental Liberation Front, and more aging, balding, dread-locked hippies than a Bob Dylan concert, wouldn’t look kindly on right wing protests.  The protest was ultimately held in neighboring Springfield, known for its incessant insistence that it is the true Simpsons Springfield.

I showed up just minutes before the protest started, following a Nissan SUV sporting an NRA seal and a yellow Support the Troops ribbon in heavy traffic all the way to the event.  It was held just outside Gateway Mall in Springfield, right next to a United States Post Office, in a park paid for by state and local taxes.

Eugene and Springfield host a population of approximately 210,000, not including the 20,000 students that attend The University of Oregon.   I’m not great at crowd size pinpointing, but I would guess that the attendance was between 500-800.   Local media did show up, but their reports can’t be trusted.  They were about as inconspicuous as an orange-vested hunter in a barren forest.  They didn’t mingle with the people, they didn’t speak to the people, they filed their report in thick make-up and black whore boots and went home to watch Dancing with the Stars.

The atmosphere was like a County Fair.  Middle-aged professionals with their children and seniors with their oxygen tanks crowded the sidewalks, while their 20 to 30 year old neighbors stayed home.   Opportunists sold t-shirts out of their cars.

A man from the Americans for Prosperity organization dressed up as Thomas Paine, a man he has little to nothing in common with ideologically, and spouted platitudes of Freedom, Liberty, Free Markets, and Fair Taxation.  It was like being at a fucking campaign speech.  Do we really need to subject ourselves to this bullshit more than once every two years?

Of course, the main thing that Fraud Paine talked about was the horrors of earmarks and the out of control spending in Washington.  Next on the docket was lower taxes.  Of course, the majority of the electorate doesn’t see the inherent paradox in this philosophy.  We have to pay for tax cuts.  If the Republican party wants more Defense spending, we need to pay for that through taxes.  But what the hell am I thinking?  I’m trying to bury this in an article that is too long for many of the Tea Baggers to consider reading.

That brings us to the true “substance” of the Tea Party Revolution.  The substance is the sheer number of slogans and issues represented by the protesters.  There is no unity here.  It’s not the rage against the WTO that made Sublime immortalize Eugene in April 26, 1992.   It’s a mish-mash of right-wing talking points that all lead to a few basic underlying messages.

1. Congress doesn’t read bills.
2. Barney Frank and Chris Dodd are the only people to blame for the current economic crisis.
3. Barack Obama is not “one of us.”
4. Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid are dictators in Congress.
5. Debt = “fiscal child abuse.”
6. Democrats are godless.
7. Democrats and Republicans are responsible for mess in Congress (even though they only single out Democrats)
8. Advertisements for Glenn Beck.

I think I can fit all of the signs I saw today into each of those categories.  The problem is that there is no discussion at these events.  Because the attendees believe everything Fox spews, they accept these slogans as righteous.  Further exploration of these ideals needn’t be taken.  The people who attended the Tea Party today aren’t intellectuals who devour every word of George Will and David Brooks.  They listen to O’Reilly, Rush, Glenn Beck, and Neil Cavuto.  Additional research is unnecessary.

What’s wrong with the youth today?  It’s a popular motto for many people in the twilight of life.  Today, I ask a different question.  What’s wrong with the baby boomers?  Why have they lost their taste for good, investigative journalism and rational facts?  We can have a real debate in this country if they would accept that their taxes are not increasing if they make under $250,000.  We can have different opinions about what we are going to do in the future.  We cannot have different opinions on facts.

The big takeaway from this is that right-wingers aren’t used to protesting.  When they do protest, they want to protest 10,000 different things at the same time so that they never have to do it again.   Abortion, Cap & Trade, Obama’s legitimacy as President, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, the Stimulus Bill, the Bailout, the Budget, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, Gun Laws, “Christian” values, Earmarks, the free market, spending, Joe Biden, Janet Napolitano, Ron Paul, Bob Barr, the Federal Reserve, the renegotiation of home loans, Obama’s bow to the Saudi prince, terrorism, the Department of Homeland Security, the Employee Free Choice Act, NAFTA, the Death Tax, and the IRS were all targeted today.

When you have 800 people with 800 different reasons for protesting, the message is lost in the crowd.  But the real reason they’re there is simple.  Mass media and lobbying firms have a hell of an influence.

More pictures:

Actress Angie Harmon defends Bristol Palin six months too late

Angie Harmon may be a tolerable actress, but her timing is absolutely dreadful.  In a recent interview with Pop Tarts, the former Law & Order star defended Bristol Palin’s pregnancy.   Bristol Palin sighed and asked if Angie Harmon also wanted to recommend a team to win the 2009 Super Bowl.

Cute, but dumb.

Harmon discussed several issues in her interview including how she thinks President Obama is doing so far.

I don’t care what color he is. I’m just not crazy about what he’s doing and I heard all about this, and he’s gonna do that and change and change, so okay … I’m still dressing for a recession over here buddy and we’ve got unemployment at an all-time high and that was his number one thing and that’s the thing I really don’t appreciate. If I’m going to disagree with my President, that doesn’t make me a racist. If I was to disagree with W, that doesn’t make me racist. It has nothing to do with it, it is ridiculous.

Harmon immediately chooses to play the “I’m not racist” card.  Who has accused her of being racist?  I’m immensely critical of the Obama Administration’s fiscal policy so far and have never once been called a racist.

Here is what happens: Harmon doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about.  First off, blaming Obama for unemployment is a bit ridiculous, don’t you think?  Especially considering that the majority of layoffs in this recession have happened under Bush?  And the fact that Obama has yet to set a national budget?  So since you clearly don’t know what you are talking about, people assume you’re racist because you’re a goddamn dumbass.  And those people are wrong to do that, but you’re not giving them too many options when you’re clearly under-educated and over-opinionated on the subject.

But I digress.  The funniest portion of this interview comes in Harmon’s defense of Bristol Palin’s pregnancy.

She [Bristol Palin] is in a position that any girl could be in: is this guy marrying me because he loves me and wants to be with me? To be in my life and our child’s life? This is a big deal; we’re getting married at 17! Nowadays, those don’t last. So if everyone could just get off her and let her live her life and do it in a way that she thinks is best, I’m all for it. I really am. She has my support 100 percent, she’s a sweetheart. I’ve got three daughters and I’m going to stand up for them and support them in whatever they want to do.

On the surface this seems perfectly fine.  But given proper context, let’s reexamine Harmon’s idiocy.  Sarah Palin, Bristol’s mother, wanted to abolish abortion and only teach abstinence in schools and not contraception.  Those are legislative decisions made by her mother.  No one was saying Bristol was a slut.  People were saying, “Hey, Sarah Palin’s bullshit abstinence program doesn’t seem to work.”  Let’s take a look at some of the commentary that occurred during that time.  Here is an article written by CNN’s Roland Martin. And a video from the Young Turks.  And James Carville on Larry King.

All three attacks Sarah Palin’s policy decisions, not Bristol Palin.  The problem is that it’s pretty clear to anyone with a rational thought in their mind where Harmon gets her news.  Fox.  Limbaugh.  Savage.  The Usual Suspects.  The right wingers immediately turned these legitimate arguments from the left this into an attack on Bristol rather than an attack on Sarah Palin’s policy.

I don’t know what we can do with people like Angie Harmon.  What’s it like to live a life like that?  There are people on the other side of the aisle that are just as bad, but after a while your own curiosity has to come into play.  You actually have to read the commentary for yourself or even listen to Rush for a few minutes on the way to work.  Keep your mind moving.

RWP Rating: Unusual

Full Story: FoxNews.com

Newt Gingrich converts to Catholicism in time for 2012 election

Former Republican Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich converted to Catholicism this weekend, a solid 3 years before the 2012 presidential election.

Newt Gingrich dodged the Vietnam draft, but will be given a free pass on military policy because of the (R) by his name.

Gingrich’s third (latest) wife Callista Bisek is Catholic, but Gingrich has so far remained silent as to what his motivation in converting was.  Gingrich became a Baptist while he earned his PhD in Modern European History from Tulane University.  Divorce is not allowed in the Catholic Church.  However, annulments can be granted in certain situations.

I think the political motivation here is overt.  Gingrich thinks he can secure the Catholic vote in 2012 by converting.  Mitt Romney is a Mormon and Sarah Palin is batshit crazy, so the stamp of approval from The Holy Old Dude could sway a few voters, especially in the primaries.   His only problem is that Bobby Jindal worked the Catholic conversion a few years before Newt got around to it.

Republican primary debate drinking game: One shot every time you hear the phrase “culture of life.”

RWP Rating: Unusual

Full Story: http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/31/gingrich-gets-a-new-religion/